Articles
Asleep at the Wheel
I wish there was no reason to write this article, but unfortunately there is. One of the many maladies of our society is the lack of responsible, mature leadership of children by their parents and other adults in positions of influence. The evidence is not only anecdotal but supported by statistics, clinical studies and observations by teachers, coaches, law enforcement, employers, psychologists and others who interact with pre-teens and teens. In general, our children are not being nurtured, disciplined, mentored and loved effectively by those whose responsibility it is to guide their development into adulthood.
Perhaps the most egregious example of this (at the moment … will it get worse?!) is the implicit or explicit approval of young people who are confused about their gender. Here is just one (real life) example of a mother who has bought in to her young teen daughter’s gender dysphoria (which, as a layman, I suspect is really a trendy, faddish manifestation of other instabilities). The following is a message sent out to friends (the daughter’s name is a pseudonym):
“As you may know, Ashley is gender fluid. In a nutshell this means they change pronouns fluidly. Sometimes Ashley goes by she, he, they, or any combination of these pronouns. If you do not know their pronoun on any given day, Ashley prefers you use they as the assigned pronoun. This is a new world for me. I am openly learning beside Ashley. As my friends, you know I am accepting of all people. I love all people as they are and as whomever they choose to be. Friends, we need more love, kindness, giving, grace and understanding in this world. We need less hate, blame, criticizing, judgment and MORE curiosity. Be the change you want to see in this world.”
The purpose of this article is not to address gender confusion per se but rather to explore what pitfalls parents are falling into and how to avoid them. My brief observations on “Ashley’s” mother and her message:
1. Ashley’s mother is an enabler. Rather than being mature and grounded herself, she says, “I am openly learning beside Ashley.” While this may sound enlightened and hip, and while parents do learn things through the parenting process, their job is to lead. Life can be a bewildering and scary proposition to adolescents, and exposure to those who are carnally savvy can be intimidating. I feel for young teens who are taking their first shaky steps into the adult world. But what they need is clear thinking, mature parents who have life experience, who are observant and protective and who can steer children with a loving but firm hand toward what is good, true and sensible and away from morally bankrupt deceptions that pass for enlightenment. Instead, Ashley’s mother wants to be a peer instead of a parent, and as a result she reinforces her daughter’s confusion.
2. Ashley’s mother is confused about love and parenthood. It sounds so magnanimous to say, “I am accepting of all people. I love all people as they are and as whomever they choose to be.” This is our culture’s idea of broadmindedness and compassion, but it is actually moral cowardice and subjectivism. First, I would submit that this woman does not believe her own words. Is she truly accepting of and loving toward all people? Pedophiles? Rapists? Human traffickers? Does she support what “they choose to be”? This is merely feel-good rhetoric.
Second, love does what is best for another, and sometimes that means challenging them, confronting their waywardness, correcting their erroneous conclusions, pulling them back from the brink of self-harm and even standing in the breach and sacrificing oneself if necessary to protect the innocent. Parents should be the first to attack the subversion and mutilation of their children by perverted doctors, psychologists and school authorities who are pushing this wretched agenda on the very young. The refusal to do this is not love. It is moral ambiguity; it is the abdication of responsibility; it is the utter failure to discriminate between right and wrong, between helpful and harmful, between parenthood and being your child’s buddy.
3. Ashley’s mother fails to see the evil side of the gender-fluid movement. To her, anyone who doesn’t accept Ashley’s non-binary view of human sexuality is not being kind, gracious or understanding but rather hateful and judgmental. I find it particularly disturbing that people who have jumped on the bandwagon of transgenderism and gender fluidity are unable or unwilling to see the dark side of it. What should I think about school librarians, teachers and administrators who defend obscene, profane and immoral books and curricula being imposed on young minds? Are they being gracious and kind? What should I conclude about doctors who financially profit from advising and performing genital-mutilation surgery on those too young and vulnerable to make such decisions? Are they being kind and understanding? How should I view legislators who are criminalizing efforts to counsel children through some very difficult psychological issues and help them align their inner self-identification with the biological reality genetically imprinted in every cell of their bodies? Are they kindly looking out for the best interest of these children?
Herein lies the essence of the problem: Children are often being born to parents who are immersed in their own lives and not truly engaged with their children’s nurture and well-being. Consequently, these children, hungry for love, acceptance and attention, are finding it in powerful online advocacy groups. They are being persuaded that their feelings of neglect and emptiness are actually signs of gender confusion, and they are groomed to seek their true selves in other genders. For various psychological and sociological reasons, it is a fad that almost universally envelops teen girls from well-to-do families. Parents are asleep at the wheel, and when they wake up the car is already in the ditch, and they don’t know how to get it out.
Timothy’s mother and grandmother got it right: “I [am] filled with joy when I call to remembrance the genuine faith that is in you, which dwelt first in your grandmother Lois and your mother Eunice, and I am persuaded is in you also … continue in the things which you have learned and been assured of, knowing from whom you have learned them, and that from childhood you have known the Holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus” (2 Tim 1:4-5; 3:14-15). If parents don’t teach their children to believe in God and His word with their whole heart, something else will fill the void.
