Articles
Obsessions
Have you ever become obsessed with something? I don’t mean an occasional hobby, passing infatuation or excitement of an upcoming event but a pervasive, intrusive thought that interferes with your perception of reality or normal function.
I’ve had several episodes of fixation in my life. When I was younger I became very self-conscious of a small gap between my front teeth. To me it seemed as big as the Grand Canyon, and I believed everyone stared at it. But the truth is that few noticed it but me. I later became fixated on road kill. I couldn’t look away from the mangled carcasses and internalized the terror of the poor animal pulverized by two-tons of hurtling metal. And for years I obsessed over being vertically challenged. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry when Randy Newman sang “Short People.”
I’d tell you more, but I would likely destroy what is left of my credibility. Suffice it to say I’ve had my share of obsessions, and probably you have, too.
Most fixations are irrational; they manifest a lack of perspective and focus on potential harm (“What if the plane crashes?”; “All snakes should die!”), insecurities (“Everyone sees how fat/thin/ tall/short/curly/ bald I am”; “I’m not as successful as I should be in my career”) and exaggerated sympathy (“Save the squirrels!”; “Humans are a plague! Save the planet!”). Some obsessions are inconvenient; others debilitate and may even destroy our quality of life. The spectrum looks like this: self-consciousness à exaggeration à inconvenience à distraction à anxiety à inhibition à loss of function. But the most dangerous fixations are those that involve sinful thoughts and/or behaviors.
One of the clearest cases of sinful fixation is Amnon’s lust for Tamar (2 Sam 13): “Amnon was so distressed over his sister Tamar that he became sick …” (13:2). Amnon’s “friend,” Jonadab, probed further: “Why are you, the king’s son, becoming thinner day after day?” (13:4). Egged on by Jonadab, Amnon concocted a ruse to elicit Tamar’s sympathy and lure her to his house alone. Amnon had become fixated on something that he could not lawfully have, and he was willing to risk everything in order to satisfy his craving. Even Tamar’s pleading could not deter him: “No, my brother, do not force, me, for no such thing should be done in Israel! Do not do this disgraceful thing! And I, where could I take my shame? And as for you, you would be like one of the fools in Israel … However, he would not heed her voice …” (13:12-14).
But this is not the end of the story, and the next moments reveal the deceptive nature of obsessions: “Then Amnon hated her exceedingly, so that the hatred with which he hated her was greater than the love with which he had loved her. And Amnon said to her, ‘Arise, be gone!’” (13:15). And herein lies one key to working our way out of a fixation: we must realize that our passions have exaggerated the reality of what we are obsessing over. Not everyone hates the one he/she has sexually compromised; cf. Shechem and Dinah (Gn 34:2-4). But lust that becomes obsession is not satisfied with fulfillment; rather, disappointment follows because reality is always something less than the fantasy we created in our imagination.
Another example in Scripture that portrays blinding fixation is the betrayal of Jesus by Judas. We know that Judas’ greed led him to steal from the disciples’ common treasury (Jn 12:6). He was so obsessed with this cash cow that he harshly criticized Mary for “wasting” the ointment with which she anointed Jesus when it might have been sold and the proceeds placed at his disposal (Jn 12:3-5). Judas was so blinded by his fixations that, in spite of seeing Jesus heal the sick, raise the dead, feed the hungry and cast out demons, he crassly offered to deliver Him for a mere pittance, the price of a slave (Mt 26:14-16; Lk 22:3-6). It seems that Judas had exaggerated this payoff to the point of risking everything and ignoring all he knew about Jesus in order to obtain it. He was obsessed beyond all reason which became apparent after the deed was done.
Like Amnon, the fulfillment of Judas’ fixation was a horrible confrontation with reality. While we do not know the full scope of Judas’ mind, he was so filled with hopelessness and guilt for what he had done that he committed suicide. The divine record says he was “remorseful,” but this was mere regret that fell short of repentance (Mt 27:3-5). Whether he realized it or not before the deed was done, he now fully understood that he had “sinned by betraying innocent blood.” His thirty pieces of silver didn’t deliver what it had promised.
This raises a related and very sensitive question about same-sex attraction. Can someone with an affinity for or attraction to members of the same sex be fellowshipped as long as they are not practicing the sinful behavior? This is a complicated subject, but consider these brief thoughts:
1. Homosexual feelings are an obsession, whatever the contributing factor(s) may be (emotional neglect, exaggerated effeminacy or mannishness, social insecurities, etc.). Our society encourages fixation on sexuality in general, but especially in those who have been historically marginalized. Homosexual attraction is not natural; and we should not justify or normalize it in ourselves or others.
2. A clear distinction between temptation and sin is drawn in Jas 1:14-16. James says sin is the culmination of a process initiated by inner desires which eventually lead to a departure from the right path. An undeveloped emotional impulse is not yet sin, but it is conditioning our thoughts in the wrong direction. When Jesus said, “Whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Mt 5:28), He is talking about an Amnon before Tamar actually came to him. Amnon’s sinful intent was already formed; all that was lacking was opportunity.
3. We have limited ability know the innermost thoughts and motivations of others, and we must be careful about judging things out of our depth. If someone grants the truth of heterosexuality and resists gay tendencies in themselves, mercy and patience are called for. Similarly, if someone were to confide that they harbor anger, struggle with gluttony or crave alcohol we should support and counsel them both about the dangers they face and the value of resistance and focus upon purity. But make no mistake: desire or attraction, if not managed properly, can easily spark sinful action in a moment of weakness. Self-control is a fruit of the Spirit, not the product of willpower, and we all need God’s help to overcome our obsessions.
