Articles
Controlling Our Emotions
In one form or another, we are bombarded with the message that we are controlled by our emotions. This is notion is spawned by evolutionary theory which states that mankind has no spiritual component. We have no free will; our thoughts and feelings are merely the products of chemical reactions taking place on a biological level. This is a copout that seeks to escape responsibility for our actions, blaming them on inflamed emotions and passions that cannot be controlled. This is the lengths to which the carnal mind will go to justify itself.
But the Holy Spirit tells us in scores of ways throughout scripture that we are responsible for our emotions and the actions that spring from them. No, God doesn’t say that the moment a thought pops into our head or the instant a feeling wells up within us that we have necessarily sinned. But we are amply warned that sin begins in the heart, by thinking about and nursing emotions that lead us toward transgression.
Jesus corrected the Pharisees’ focus on externals, particularly their elaborate ceremonial washings, to the neglect of the origin of true defilement: “But those things which proceed out of the mouth come from the heart, and they defile a man. For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies. These are the things which defile a man, but to eat with unwashed hands does not defile a man” (Mt 15:18-20).
Further, Jesus addressed the inner commitment to sin before the overt act comes into being: “But I say to you that whoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment … whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Mt 5:22, 28). “Beware of covetousness, for one’s life does not consist in the abundance of the things he possesses” (Lk 12:16). Further, other feelings are to be purged from our minds: bitterness, wrath, malice (Eph 4:31); jealousies, selfish ambitions, envy (Gal 5:20-21). Scripture counsels us to moderate our legitimate emotions and keep them under control lest they are subverted by Satan into something evil. Also, we are to confront and rid our minds of powerful feelings that provide leverage for Satan to transform them into sinful action.
Consider the following process in helping us overcome sinful emotions and control our thoughts:
Step #1: Examine. It is easy to simply feel the way we feel, consider it natural, and not analyze our thoughts on a deeper level. This is a reactionary way of interacting with the world. But Christians are called to rise above carnal sensations and reason through what we are feeling. David, before he was intercepted by Abigail, was moved by murderous rage: “Every man gird on his sword” was his answer to the insults of Nabal (1 Sam 25:10-13). Had his rage come to full bloom, he would have transgressed the prohibition of personal vengeance. Abigail, in all her wisdom, helped David confront his true feelings; she persuaded him to think beyond the moment to the consequences of venting his wrath (25:30-31). This is how we must learn to deal with our own emotions.
For example, suppose someone has “hurt your feelings,” a shorthand way of saying that their words and/or actions have caused you emotional injury. Specifically, let’s say they told you that you had acted in an unbecoming or inappropriate way. Perhaps you felt they were unkind and abrupt in bringing this to your attention. You are embarrassed that they found fault with you; you feel they were unfair or exaggerated what you did; you resent that they didn’t account for your good qualities but only offered criticism and censure. Rather than deal with the substance of what was said, you now stew over their correction, simmering in negativity. It is imperative at this point to engage in some honest self-appraisal, to think critically about what has happened and explore it from different angles. This leads to step #2 in the process.
Step #2: Analyze. One of our biggest challenges is to accurately assess ourselves and recognize our true feelings. Sometimes we are afraid of the ugliness of our own thoughts and we recoil from confronting them. Or we may casually rationalize them so that we can continue to indulge them. In our example, if the rising bitterness of soul is not recognized, it will eventually break out in vindictiveness toward our antagonist – gossiping about them, failing to pray for them or help them in a time of need.
Emotions can be powerful and toxic, blinding us to everything beyond the narrow urge dominating our conscious thought. They can even invade our subconscious thinking – like background music that subliminally creates an atmosphere without consciously registering (the proverbial “Freudian slip”). God’s word is the primary vehicle of self-analysis, likened to a mirror that reflects our true self (Jas 1:23-25). But we must study it, embrace its exposure of wayward attitudes and emotions and then make application in our own lives. This leads to step #3:
Step #3: Apply. Changing our feelings begins with the recognition that God is not pleased with our thoughts; they jeopardize our standing with our Father who expects better of us. We must condition ourselves to think in terms of what God wants rather than what I want. This perspective must matter to us so much that we cannot look indifferently upon our feelings or allow them to control our actions. In the words of Joseph: “How then can I do this great wickedness, and sin against God?” (Gn 39:9).
This, of course, implies that we are diligently pursuing a relationship with God and are meaningfully engaged in things that foster that connection: worship, prayer, study, serving others, developing our character (2 Pet 1:5-11); focusing on hope, trust and the will of God day by day. As we develop our relationship with God, we will occasionally be confronted with unacceptable emotions. If we have developed no self-control or respect for God, we will be helpless before the insistent demands of such corrosive feelings as lust, hatred, vindictiveness, rage, covetousness, etc.
Finally, we must recognize the advantages of godliness over transgression. Temptation rests on falsehood and delusion; unbridled emotions do not bring true satisfaction. Unwanted emotions will occasionally arise, vying for control of our minds. But we must resist them and remember who we are serving and how doing His will always leads to real fulfillment and achievement. The battle with self is not for the faint of heart.
