Articles
Becky's Battle
(The following was taken from a blog written by Becky Newman’s daughter, Sarah, in view of her mother’s terminal diagnosis. Becky passed away yesterday. Edited and reprinted with permission.)
Life is marked by moments that change us, change our perspectives, change our course of direction, change our goals and ambitions. These moments may be anticipated or unexpected, looked forward to with eagerness or dreaded with trepidation. They can be dazzling with joy and hope or dark with pain and sorrow. When we look back on our lives, these moments will stand out in stark contrast to the mundane simplicity of the days that surround them. For our family, February 1, 2021 will forever be such a moment.
And then there are chapters. Passages of time that are bound together come to an end and the page turns over, starting a new chapter with a new beginning. It’s a part of the same story, but everything has changed. Some chapters commence with pure delight and happiness; others open with the gloom of dread and loss. Most, however, are bittersweet mixtures of the two. Our family stands on the brink of such a chapter. The chapter that includes the sweet presence of Becky Newman is coming to a close, and a new one that does not include her physical presence will begin. But we know that her spirit and influence will be woven throughout all the remaining chapters in each of our lives. She will leave us for her next life, but she will never be gone ...
On February 1, our nightmares became reality. We finally heard the dreaded words from the doctor, “There is nothing more we can do.” Mom came home, and we prepared for hospice care. I had envisioned this day and played it over and over in my head, trying to prepare myself. Maybe anticipating it would lessen the pain. It didn’t. There is no preparing for that moment, just as there is no preparing for watching your mother deteriorate and slip away. It is happening quickly. One part of me wants to hold onto her; she’s my mother and irreplaceable. I know there will be a hole in my heart when her presence is no longer here. However, as I watch her decline, the other half of my heart cries out for her to go home and be at peace. Let this chapter close and the next one begin because her final chapter will be the brilliantly happy one with no shadow of pain or sorrow or fear. It will be perfect. It will be the one that reads, “And she lived happily ever after.”
Over the last several weeks, I have been mulling over one strong impression and thought – I am so thankful that Jesus has rewritten our stories for us; He gave us a happy ending. Without Him, this time would be one of unbearable pain and loss. Her suffering would have no purpose. Her next life would be no improvement over the futile struggle of these last days. And there would be no hope of seeing her again and spending eternity together. How dark and hopeless the ending of our stories would be! How could we bear these partings?
But God did not leave us to this fate, even though we more than deserve it because of our sin and selfishness. Jesus’ story of redemption and renewal began the moment He entered this world, giving up Heaven on our behalf. He chose to live with human limitations, human emotions and experiences, and He did it perfectly so that He could be our ransom. And He died for us. Not a quick or painless death, not peaceful or effortless. No, instead He was tortured; He agonized, He suffered, He endured. And He died on our behalf. But it didn’t end there. He was buried, but He arose. Death was conquered and overcome, not that it won’t touch us, but it cannot hold us. And all our stories were rewritten in an instance. We all have the opportunity for that happy ending.
Mom lived her life with that goal in mind – to make it to Heaven to live in God’s presence. She held an unwavering faith in the reality of that promise, and she has almost finished her race. And thanks to Jesus, we can rejoice with her as she nears the finish line. What a gift that joy and peace has been! While our hearts are sad to be losing her, we have a joy and peace in our hearts that help us look beyond the pain of these moments. Our hearts will feel the hurt and loss, but what a blessing to know that Mom is stepping into pure glory and rest! How different this ending is because of Jesus!
While we may be tempted to mourn the time that we will not have with Mom, to long for her to be here for milestones that are coming, to resent being forced to give her up well before many others must say goodbye to their loved ones, and to be angered at the debilitating disease that is stealing her away from us in a brutal way, we are choosing to focus on the blessings that we’ve been given.
God has blessed us with two whole years with her, giving us time to fulfill wishes and dreams that were important to Mom and to us, time for her to say goodbyes to family and friends, to make trips, to experience important moments, and to prepare as much as we could for these days. Very few people with pancreatic cancer get this much time; God gave us two whole years.
Mom has had to joy of being a grandmother, and I think that has been one of the greatest joys of her life. And we have been so supported by myriads of people all around the world. We have felt the love of so many through cards, texts, messages, phone calls, gift baskets, flowers, meals, transportation, housing, gift cards, and the list could go on. What an outpouring of God’s love for us!
And we’ve gotten a lot of family time together. Michael and I have been able to be here close to Mom since November. Being able to spend these precious months with her has been priceless; not many people get the opportunity to stay close like we have. God cleared many obstacles so that we could be here. So you see, there is so much for us to be thankful for during this time.
These are just a few of the gifts God has showered down on us. How can our hearts be bitter or solely grieved when we have been so richly blessed? I thank God that He has rewritten our stories!
