Articles
Somewhere Between Self-Hatred and Pride
So much about emotional and spiritual health has to do with maintaining balance. Powerful forces are working to create imbalance in our thinking, from fear and failure to success and ease. Satan is always probing for an advantage; the world is unstable and ever changing.
Here are two qualities on opposite ends of the personal assessment spectrum: self-hatred and pride. Of these two extremes, we may think that pride is the worst, so let’s address it first. “A proud and haughty man – ‘Scoffer’ is his name; he acts with arrogant pride” (Pr 21:24). Related words such as boastful, puffed up, glorying, etc. bring out the idea of over-inflation of one’s value, judgment or characteristics. One may feel superior to others on the basis of appearance, finances, intellect, authority or any number of things that humans tend to exalt. Boasting appears in lists of unsavory qualities; viz., Rom 1:30; 2 Tim 3:2.
Scripture pairs pride with discord, for the constant vaunting of oneself over others will inevitably cause friction: “By pride comes nothing but strife, but with the well-advised is wisdom” (Pr 13:10). The proud will pressure others to conform, or failing that will tend to ridicule or demean those who, by the standards of the haughty, don’t measure up.
The antidote for pride is a true embracing of God, for before Him we are all impotent, ignorant and insignificant. This is why the proud usually measure themselves by other humans – but only those who are deemed “lesser.” Only in this way can the mirage of superiority be maintained. But before God there is no other self-assessment but humility and a recognition of the majestic, overarching glory and power of God. Thus, “God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble” (Jas 4:6).
But the other extreme, self-hatred, is no less ungodly. Every person must have a baseline of self-value and care: “For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church” (Eph 5:29). Paul speaks to the norm: we ought to have a healthy sense of self-concern which leads benevolent care. Yes, “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Rom 3:23); we act foolishly; we contradict ourselves; we fail both our standards and God’s every day. But if that truth is divorced from counterbalancing ideas, it becomes an endless loop of self-loathing that constantly replays in our mind.
Self-hatred manifests itself in various ways: persistent self-criticism; lack of creativity; undermining of others; chronic melancholy and/or malaise, etc. These are more than damaged psychological states; they are stumbling blocks to spiritual health and growth.
The antidote for self-hatred is the acceptance and cherishing of God’s grace. The Lord came to us “in the likeness of sinful flesh”; He patiently endured the ignorance and resistance of His peers; He taught; He counseled; He healed – all because He loves us in spite of our imperfections. Only when we accept that love will we be able to see ourselves in balance and embrace the transformation God desires in us (2 Cor 3:18).
