Articles
A Strong Woman
Sisters, to what degree as a Christian female do you feel pressure to conform to a cultural definition of a “strong” woman? That’s a question that only you can answer for yourself. Your brothers in faith, and probably your own husband if you are married, can’t fully relate to this pressure, for such messages are often missed by those who are not the target of them. Further, we men are probably preoccupied with society’s imposition of its template of maleness upon us.
So, from one man’s perspective here is society’s model of a strong woman (usually via a TV show, celebrity interview, magazine article or political messaging):
1) Independent – The notion of being dependent on a man in any context is ridiculed and rejected.
2) Stoic – Emotions are to be carefully concealed so as to not appear vulnerable.
3) Career-driven –A whole woman makes her mark outside of family. Achievements as a wife and mother don’t count.
4) Bold and verbally domineering – She can out-curse the men and reprimand in a heartbeat anyone who crosses her.
5) Controlling – The strong woman takes control; she is proactive, “takes the bull by the horns” and gets her way.
6) Sexually expressive – She dresses provocatively and is sexually active without commitment. Living together outside of marriage is the norm, even if children come into the picture.
Perhaps I am off the mark or you don’t feel these pressures in your life, but these are my impressions as an observer of popular culture.
It is impossible to list the many factors that have contributed to this image of female strength. But a significant contributing factor has been, in my view, the overall failure of marriage. Ungodly husbands who have abused, cheated on and divorced their wives have convinced many women that independence from males is their best option. (I also think the “all men are ogres” line is sometimes overblown for political purposes. My cynical side also wonders if such messaging is promoted by companies craving female employees or selling their products to female purchasers.)
Whatever the underlying causes, there is a clear and constant drumbeat in favor of a “liberated,” untethered, independent female lifestyle that seeks fulfillment in worldly values. And women who dare to express dissenting views are ridiculed and shamed as grunting troglodytes who cannot think for themselves and have surrendered to patriarchal domineering.
Lost in the hype and vitriol is the fact that the NT doesn’t portray women as weak, mindless, inferior domestic servants. That is a caricature drawn by feminists for the purpose of keeping women subservient to their philosophy, ironically making them the very slaves they say women shouldn’t be.
From a Christian perspective, a “strong” woman:
Has godly character. Paul directs that “women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing, but which is proper for women professing godliness, with good works” (1 Tim 2:9-10). Needless to say, our culture places tremendous stress on “dressing for success” and “making a statement” not only by clothing brands and fashions but by physical fitness, makeup, hair styles and other externals. But a godly outlook and serving and helping others brings a strength of character far more powerful than the smoke and mirrors of outward appearance. But a word of caution: Neglect of personal appearance – being unkempt, frumpy or slovenly – can send the wrong message. Paul is simply shifting the primary emphasis to developing the inner person.
Trusts in God. She knows the world is a hostile place, and she is aware that some men might use their power and position to take advantage of her. But instead of depending on an aggressive persona and mental acumen as a defense, she entrusts herself to God and seeks to maintain “a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God” (1 Pet 3:4). This is the opposite of a feminist mindset that takes refuge behind a brashness and denigration of men that projects caustic grumpiness rather than strength.
Yields to her husband. Immediately following the above verse, Peter continues: “For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands” (1 Pet 3:5). “Submission” is a word laden with negativity. Western thought is highly critical of a woman voluntarily relinquishing any decision-making power to a man. Hyper-feminists rail against subjection as demeaning, depersonalizing and disenfranchising. But this does not happen in a marriage where a man loves his wife “just as Christ also loved the church” (Eph 5:25). Glad, confident yielding to her husband’s lead will elicit his love, care and support for her rather than callous, slavish treatment. Feminists will never get this, but Christian women understand.
Marriage is not commanded, and a woman single by circumstance or choice can lead a God-pleasing life. While marriage and family are the norms of human experience (just look around), it is not everyone’s cup of tea. If a woman feels an aversion to or a disconnect from family life she is free to support herself as she is able. Thus marital restrictions do not apply, but she must still be careful how she defines her strength as a woman.
Christian women must constantly reinforce their Scriptural beliefs and values against persistent cultural propaganda. It is easy to lose sight of what is truly important and fulfilling when negative messaging abounds. Sadly, some women learn only too late that the Kool Aid they have been drinking was spiked with lies.
The truth is that Christianity strengthens women and supplies them with meaning, dignity, freedom and care. It is pagan cultures denigrate and dehumanize women, for when God is abandoned male brute force fills the vacuum. Young ladies, if you choose to marry, look for someone that is going to affirm your strength as a woman of God and who will support you in your assigned role as you support him in his.
