Articles
That's Not Who I Am
On more than one occasion recently I have seen this caveat in public confessions of wrongdoing. Dustin Hoffman, for example, said this in response to being accused of sexual harassment: “I am sorry. It is not reflective of who I am.”
Why do people feel compelled to say this in the midst of an “apology”? Usually, the confessor is humiliated by having his guilt exposed to the world. Perhaps they see their offense in its true light, or more likely, they are afraid of the coming backlash. In either case, “that’s not who I am” is merely damage control. The speaker wants people to think better of them than what their behavior suggests. Two things are true in such a statement:
1) The victim is further injured. Again, the guilty party is distancing himself from the original wrong. The victim hears, “I didn’t really do it; it wasn’t really me. Some other influence caused the situation to occur.” It is a failure to take full responsibility for what one did. All the aggrieved party needs to hear in seeking closure is, “I did it. I’m sorry. It was wrong. Can I do anything to help you heal?”
2) The guilty is hampering his recovery. He has not yet accepted full personal responsibility for the harm done. This means that his own forgiveness is nullified. James urges, “Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed” (Jas 5:16). Concealed guilt is another way for Satan to maintain control over us. In the aftermath of sin, God is not asking for blood atonement. This He already has provided. Instead, He asks us to take responsibility for and turn from our sins. Only this brings true healing for all.
