Articles
Can You Give Me Some Help?
Few people would be considered experts in any particular field. There is simply too much information to be learned; new discoveries constantly update understanding; biases skew an objective assessment of the data. Thus, regardless of credentials, scientists clash on climate change; economists debate fiscal policies; psychiatrists give conflicting diagnoses.
We all need help deciphering the world around us, yet the common man dreads being wrong or having his weakness exposed. So we often suffer in silence, reluctant to reach out for help because we do not want others to see our struggle. There are many reasons for this. Consider:
1. The false perception that others have it all together. Looking from the outside in, we often cannot see what others are really going through. We may think that celebrities have the world at their feet, until one of them commits suicide. It may seem that our brethren’s lives are stable, carefree and exciting, but we do not know they struggle with prescription drugs, crushing debt or an unfaithful child. Our false assumptions about others hinders us from opening up. The truth is that everyone bears a burden, and sincere Christians are happy to listen and offer wise counsel.
2. We have been burned before. It may be that we have opened up to someone before and had our confidence betrayed. Again, this is not uncommon, but what is the solution? We can defensively put up walls saying, “I’ll never reveal my true feelings again.” But in so doing we are imprisoning ourselves in fear and solitude. All of our relationships are with flawed human beings, and we are flawed also. Some people will fail us, but is it wise to remain aloof and forfeit the benefit of true friends and confidants who can help us when life gets tough?
3. We don’t want to hear the truth. “The truth hurts,” we say. Yes, it sometimes does. But the truth may save your life, as in the case of the pilot that has flown into danger. Maybe he ignored weather reports or perhaps he overestimated his flying skills, but the most important thing is how to solve the problem at hand, not safeguard his ego.
There are various other reasons for our reluctance to seek help when we need it, but the bottom line is a lack of trust. And we often lack trust when we have not invested in relationships. We don’t know others; they don’t know us. Our conversations remain superficial. You can buy instant oatmeal, grits and coffee, but you cannot buy instant relationships. So “church” is something you go to rather than a spiritual family who share life’s hardships together, who encourage one another in worship, who provide a safety net for each other. Such relationships don’t just happen; they are made – or not, depending on our willingness to invest in them.
Think about these statements of relationship between Paul and others:
“But we were gentle among you, just as a nursing mother cherishes her own children … we exhorted, and comforted, and charged every one of you, as a father does his own children” – 1 Th 2:7, 11.
“For God is my witness, how greatly I long for you all with the affection of Jesus Christ”– Ph 1:8.
“You know [Timothy’s] proven character, that as a son with his father he served with me in the gospel”– Ph 2:22.
“For the work of Christ [Epaphroditus] came close to death, not regarding his life, to supply what was lacking in your service toward me”– Ph 2:30.
“And when he had said these things, he knelt down and prayed with them all. Then they all wept freely, and fell on Paul’s neck and kissed him, sorrowing most of all for the words which he spoke, that they would see his face no more”– Ac 20:36-38.
This is the same Paul who also had these experiences:
“Demas has forsaken me, having loved this present world”– 2 Tim 4:10.
“Some indeed preach Christ even from envy and strife … from selfish ambition … supposing to add affliction to my chains”– Ph 1:15-16.
“Then the contention became so sharp that they parted from one another” – Ac 15:39.
“‘For his letters,’ they say, ‘are weighty and powerful, but his bodily presence is weak, and his speech contemptible’”– 2 Cor 10:10.
Paul occasionally had conflict, but he did not allow himself to become a spiritual recluse. He continued to build relationships that gave him strength. If he needed such relationships, how much more do we?
