Articles
In Search of Perfect Love
To say that we are all in search of love sounds smarmy. But is it? Or is there something deeply meaningful in our search for love that is fundamental to our emotional stability and spiritual fulfillment?
In fact, the whole of the history of creation seems to be God’s quest for love. God created a whole universe, and more specifically a habitable planet and a special garden of residence, for mankind – beings that God hoped to love in fullness and who would love Him in return.
The nation of Israel is a model of God’s unrequited love. In a passage outlining the brokenness of the relationship, Moses tells the generation entering Canaan that “The Lord delighted only in your fathers, to love them; and He chose their descendants after them, you above all peoples, as it is this day” (Dt 10:15). He had earlier admonished them: “And now, Israel, what does the Lord your God require of you, but to fear the Lord your God, to walk in all His ways and to love Him, to serve the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul” (Dt 10:12).
But Israel should not love God just because they were commanded to do so: “For the Lord your God is the God of gods, and Lord of lords, the great God, mighty and awesome … He is your praise, and He is your God, who has done for you these great and awesome things which your eyes have seen” (Dt 10:17, 21). Of course, Israel does not heed Moses’ words and over the coming centuries will repeatedly forsake Him for idols and immorality.
Much later in the OT is the analogy of God finding Israel as an outcast infant and nurturing her to maturity (Ezk 16:1-14): “‘When I passed by you again and looked upon you, indeed your time was the time of love; so I spread My wing over you and covered your nakedness. Yes, I swore an oath to you and entered into a covenant with you, and you became Mine,’ says the Lord God … But you trusted in your own beauty, played the harlot because of your fame, and poured out your harlotry on everyone passing by who would have it … And in all your abominations … you did not remember the days of your youth, when you were naked and bare, struggling in your blood” (16:8; 15; 22; cf. 15-34).
God’s search for love among mankind culminates in John’s observation: “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life” (Jn 3:16). John continues this theme in his epistles: “By this we know love, because He laid down His life for us. And we also ought to lay down our lives for the brethren … In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins …” (1 Jn 3:16; 4:10). God’s love for man, and His desire to be loved by man, was so meaningful to Him that He made the ultimate sacrifice to save us and woo us to Him.
Yes, the search for love runs deep in both our Creator and us. We should not underestimate it.
Which leads me to observe that I have seen so much long-term injury and scarring among Christians who have either not been loved or whose love was not accepted by parents or significant others. This emptiness not only burdens the soul, it fosters destructive behaviors such as manipulation, emotional distance, lack of trust, the needless creation of drama, etc. But even worse, it has the tendency to infect the next generation.
There are two basic objects of meaningful love for humans: God, and fellow human beings (sorry, pets don’t count). Both are necessary for a healthy outlook on self and life, but one of these is especially fraught with danger. Our love for others can be rejected. Parents may be selfish, immature brutes. Friends can be vicious and critical. Even spouses can spurn and cast us aside. Some of us are so flawed that we do not have the ability to love as we should even when we so desperately need to be loved. It is a vicious cycle: We seek love yet cannot receive it, so others withhold it. This increases pain, so we then demand love of others or mistreat them or even crave the attention that comes from creating trouble. This can get very complicated, but at the end of the day it comes down to immature, broken people trying in vain to find true, lasting love.
And this is where our love for God comes in. God is consistent, trustworthy, generous, caring, patient, helpful, humble, loving … all the things that make a solid foundation for a fulfilling relationship. We must first find our identity and value in God’s perfect love for us. “For He Himself has said ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you’” (Heb 13:5). “Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? … For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, … shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Rom 8:35, 38-39). God’s love for us is enriching, strengthening, affirming, and through it we are given the tools to love others as we should without expecting from them in return what human beings so often fail to give – perfect love.
