Articles
Midlife Issues
Different times of life bring different challenges. This is due to a variety of factors:
1. Health problems are generally of less concern to the young.
2. Marriage and family issues change over time.
3. Wisdom and life-experience affect one’s outlook.
4. Financial needs grow as children age, homes are bought, etc.
For these and other reasons stress, and the ability to cope with it, ebbs and flows throughout the course of life. For those in “midlife,” say mid-40s through mid-60s, what are some peculiar issues to be faced?
The reality of aging. Age spots, loss of muscle tone, decline in vision, graying hair, weight gain – these are all physical indicators that time is passing by. The fear of being past our prime, the decline of libido and the nearing apex of a career throw many men into classic midlife crisis. Those unprepared to accept this reality may abandon their faith, their spouse and their common sense in search of an imaginary fountain of youth. The strong Christian, however, has “set (his) mind on things above, not on things on the earth” (Col 3:2). He has confidence that his “life is hidden with Christ in God” (Col 3:3) and “even though the outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day” (2 Cor 4:16). Spiritual perspectives ease the inevitability of aging.
Unbelieving children. As our children grow we have such love for them that, as Judah said of his father Jacob regarding Benjamin, “his life is bound up in the lad’s life” (Gen 44:30). We sacrifice for them, teach them things both secular and sacred. We worry over their illnesses, their friends, their driving … the nurturing of our children is a total investment of our hearts and our resources. This is why our hearts are broken if they choose to walk away from the Lord. There’s really not much to say to soften this blow. Any attempt to ease the pain rings hollow. It is a deep ache that merely must be endured along with the continued prayer that God will allow them time and providential circumstance that may spark reconsideration. If anything can assuage the sorrow, perhaps it is the realization of the grief we bring God when we disregard Him, as well as insight as to why someone would give their life for another.
The decline and passing of parents. Being a predominantly middle-aged congregation, we at Centreville have experienced the passing of a number of our parents (and grandparents) in the last few years. Others have parents in various stages of disability. We experience role-reversal: the children become the parents; the nurtured become the nurturers. It is hard to see those who have been so strong, fearless and capable now unsteady, confused and vulnerable. No matter our age, parents are always our anchors, our icons, part of our very self-definition. We draw strength from them even if unconsciously. And now it is our turn to be strong for them and, if possible, ease their passing from this world.
With midlife dawns the reality that life “is soon cut off, and we fly away” (Ps 90:10). May our faith prepare us for these days and their unique challenges.
