Articles
Adulterers
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for it, that He might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word” (Ephesians 5:25-26).
It is only fair that after last week’s article on “Adulteresses” we give equal time to men who commit adultery. Humanistic-based psychology and sociology try to remove the moral element of adultery by saying that men are genetically programmed to commit adultery because of evolutionary development. The argument goes like this: pure reproductive instinct drives men to pass genes along to the next generation. In essence, humans are just animals in heat, singularly dedicated to the survival of the species. Here’s a recent example from the New York Times:
“For so much behavior, it turns out that genes, gene expression and hormones matter a lot. Now that even appears to be the case for infidelity. We have long known that men have a genetic, evolutionary impulse to cheat, because that increases the odds of having more of their offspring in the world.
But now there is intriguing new research showing that some women, too, are biologically inclined to wander, although not for clear evolutionary benefits. Women who carry certain variants of the vasopressin receptor gene are much more likely to engage in ‘extra pair bonding,’ the scientific euphemism for sexual infidelity.” [Richard Friedman, 5/22/15]
It is generally true that a male’s libido lies closer to the surface of conscious thought than a female’s. This makes a man more susceptible to visual stimulations, suggestiveness, innuendos and casual thoughts of sex that flitter through the mind. The book of Proverbs reveals how a wily woman taps into this vulnerability through clothing (7:10), flattery (7:15), scent (7:17), exuberance (7:18), secrecy (7:19-20). “With her enticing speech she caused him to yield, with her flattering lips she seduced him. Immediately he went after her as an ox goes to the slaughter” (7:21-22).
To be forewarned, men, is to be forearmed. Denial or pretensions of holiness obstruct our ability to face our weakness head on. Great men before us, spiritual giants and worldly-wise men alike, have succumbed.
Here are some observations that I hope will help us “live joyfully with the wife whom [we] love” (Ecc 9:9):
1. The model of how we should treat our wives is how Christ cares for His church. This is a spiritual outlook that helps keep things in perspective. Our first priority is to help spiritually strengthen our wives and guide them toward heaven.
2. In our wedding vows we probably said something like “forsaking all others.” Fidelity to our wives is a matter of integrity. If you say you will, and you don’t, you are not honorable. Again, Jesus is our model.
3. Early romance changes to mature appreciation. Don’t misunderstand: I’m not saying romance dies or older people are not romantic. But the raw passion of younger days will morph into something more profound. You must embrace it and change along with it.
4. Accept our own aging. Many men reach a watershed moment when they realize they’ve “crested the hill.” They panic, searching for some “fountain of youth” experience – a younger woman, perhaps – to stave off the inevitable. Lives and reputations can be shattered by such immaturity.
5. Our wife is the one who has born our children, undergoing painful, body-altering, potentially life-threatening challenges. She has worked often behind the scenes to support, pamper, feed and nurture us. She has “paid her dues.” She deserves better than some fling with the babysitter.
6. The clothes, perfume, flattery … they’re all lies. They promise pleasure, excitement and fulfillment, but they deliver only shame, guilt, self-loathing. Satan is good at dropping the curtain of deception once the deed is done, leaving us standing there in foolishness and humiliation. Don’t fall for it; don’t give him the satisfaction of destroying another marriage.
7. If she’ll do it with you, she’ll do it to you. A woman who will cheat with someone else’s husband has no scruples. A man’s ego whispers that he is different, that she really loves him and finds him attractive in spite of his middle-age paunch and receding hairline. The painful truth, my friend, is that she is using you to gratify her own needs. The adventure, the trips, the hotels, the BMW – whatever. But when the well runs dry ...
Much more can be said, but in a nutshell: Wise up, men! Satan has been using the same old lies for centuries. Adultery never satisfies; it merely deepens the emptiness that drove us to it in the first place. Learn to love your wife and dedicate yourself to her happiness and well-being. Discover the joy of faithful companionship and true sexuality as God meant it to be.
