Articles
Overcoming Grief - 1
I am wading in to this topic with much trepidation. I realize grief is a sensitive subject, and the things I will say will likely be interpreted by some as callous or “judgmental.” I accept the risk because sometimes an opposing voice needs to be heard.
I have seen various entries on Facebook, that great medium of all things enlightened and wise, declaring ideas like:
* There is no time-limit on grief.
* Everyone must be allowed to grieve in their own way.
Such observations usually elicit many “likes” and concurring sentiments.
Further, I have seen Christians continue to struggle with a painful loss or tragedy to such a degree that it inhibits their joy and usefulness. It appears, in some cases, looking from the outside in, that grief and distress are being nurtured rather than moderated by the truths which God supplies to help us move past such heart-wounds.
[Full disclosure: Before I am accused of knowing nothing about grief, I lost my father to cancer when I was ten; my sister died of cancer at age 51; my mother lost her battle with dementia and died at 86. I have personally and vicariously experienced significant loss and have conducted some funerals resulting from unexpected tragedy. I am no stranger to grief.]
While there is an element of truth in time-limits on grief and various ways in which people grieve, it is also true that it is unnatural for a spiritual being to grieve too much or too long. It may shock us to remember that God actually prohibited grief in a couple of cases (Lv 10:6; Ezk 24:15-18). I am not at all saying that it is wrong to grieve. And we will never “get over” the death of a loved one. But unresolved grief can lead to bitterness of soul and envy toward those who rejoice, and it can kill a thankful attitude – a necessary moderator of our unstable emotions.
It also occurs to me after reviewing tapes of an interview I did with my mother twenty years ago – when her mind was still relatively sharp – that we have generally become a soft people unaccustomed to severe hardship. My mother’s natural father left the family for a girlfriend, and later was lost at sea. Her step-father was a womanizing scoundrel who disappeared on gambling junkets for weeks at a time. Mom lost a full term baby in her early 20s, then faced the birth of my brother alone as my dad was stationed in Puerto Rico. She later lost two other babies and my father to cancer when she was 46. A brother died three weeks later. Mom finished raising her children alone; she never remarried.
My mother was not unique. She was from a generation that faced much hardship – poverty (the Depression), world wars, disease epidemics, etc. It was not a Golden Age of Ozzie and Harriet families, though the divorce rate was lower than at present. Our prosperity and technological advances have insulated many from severe trials, and in my opinion this has created resilience and coping issues as demonstrated when exaggerated grief overrides godly perspectives. (Part 2 next week)
