Articles
On “Conscious Uncoupling” and Other Word Games
Surely it is a shallow, self-deceived people who think they can alter reality merely by changing a label. Juliet opined: “What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.” But life isn’t so simple, and Romeo changing his name from Montague to Smith wouldn’t make their romance any more acceptable.
To put a twist on Juliet’s words, “That which we call sewage by any other name would smell as foul.” And so it is with the newly coined “conscious uncoupling.” A Hollywood celebrity trumpeted this term to make her divorce sound more palatable: "We are, however, and always will be a family, and in many ways we are closer than we have ever been. We are parents first and foremost, to two incredibly wonderful children and we ask for their and our space and privacy to be respected at this difficult time. We have always conducted our relationship privately, and we hope that as we consciously uncouple and co-parent, we will be able to continue in the same manner" (Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin).
This pop-psychology gem is popularized a health and wellness guru named Vicky Vlachonis. This New Age snake oil saleswoman counsels clients (one of whom is Paltrow) to rid their pain by bathing in Epsom salts and black pepper oil, chanting positive image mantras and changing vocabulary. Here’s a sample of her drivel:
“A research review article in the journal Current Directions in Psychological Science found that washing your hands or taking a shower can help you release feelings like doubt, regret, or a sense of being morally wrong. The researchers believe that this mechanism might be one we evolved with, to help drive early humans to remove contaminants … If you think about how many religious and spiritual rituals involve bathing (e.g., baptism, mikveh), it makes sense that water would have an association with purification and a fresh start" (from online site “goop.”)
In Vicky’s world, psychological pain causes literal, physical debilitation which can be alleviated through self-cleansing rituals and conscious release of emotions. Vicky advises:
“Problems don’t start because of emotions themselves. The trouble comes when you don’t express or release them. Layers of buried emotions build up in our scar tissue, causing adhesions in our fascia, the layer of tissue that stretches around all the muscles and organs. Once you really see and feel those buried emotions, and can pinpoint where the pain is actually coming from, you can consciously increase the flow of your body’s natural painkillers” (ibid).
Snake oil still sells.
“Co-parenting” is another trendy term designed to make personal failure more noble. It has the ring of dedication, cooperation and sensitivity (“We’re doing this for the kids!”), but who’s kidding whom? If these people would have “co-married,” they wouldn’t have to try and be parents while living in different houses with different spouses. The only people fooled by such word games are the adults; the children see through it and can’t easily heal by salt and pepper baths.
Vicky should have read 1 Pet 3:21: “There is also an antitype which now saves us, namely baptism (not the removal of the filth of the flesh, but the answer of a good conscience toward God), through the resurrection of Jesus Christ.”
If it weren’t so sad, it would be funny.
