Articles
Things My Mother Told Me (That I Didn't Believe)
My mother, bless her soul, had a challenge in raising me. It was clear to me early on that I knew far more than she. After all, she only had something akin to an eighth-grade education. I was far more advanced scholastically, and there were many things that were just plain obvious on their face. Why she shared such nonsense with me was irritating, and I rejected many of her observations as backward. Here are a few:
- Mom: If you drive over a nail or glass slowly, it has less chance of penetrating your tire. Me: Why that’s ridiculous! The faster you go, the less time the nail has to stick in your tire.
- Mom: If we spread this pile of dirt all over the yard, it will make the grass healthier. Me: Dirt is supposed to go under the grass. How in the world will dumping dirt all over the place help the grass? I think it will kill it.
- Mom: If you keep throwing that ball in the house, you’re going to break something. Me: Awww, Mom, I’m not going to break anything!
- Mom: If you wear those new white jeans to school, you’re going to get mud all over them. Me: Huh, no I’m not.
My mother wasn’t “formally educated,” but it is uncanny how often she was right about common-sense things. Of course, when she was proven right (yes, I did chip the Liberty Bell lamp with the golf ball; yes, I did fall in the mud during recess on the first day I wore the white pants), I did everything in my power not to let her know it. My recollection of my teenage years is an unbroken string of “dumb advice” my mother gave me that I rejected and later paid the price for. I countered her every word, and I was passionate in my rebuttal. I don’t know why she didn’t send me to boarding school.
So what was going on? The normal process of interaction between one person who had experience and the other who was as green about life as a tree frog. There is nothing more frustrating, I have learned, than someone who thinks they know what they’re talking about and won’t listen to reason. Um, that would be all children at some point. But usually they grow out of it. What’s really puzzling is when they continue this behavior as adults. They remain dead certain of their judgment on everything, and talking to them is like talking to a brick wall.
The Scriptures consistently counsel us to not trust in our own judgment but instead listen to God: “O Lord, I know the way of man is not in himself; it is not in man who walks to direct his own steps” (Jer. 10:23). We are not to think more highly of ourselves than we ought to think (Rom. 12:3). Instead, we should remember our mistakes and listen to the words of wisdom from others.
It is not that we are too dense to know anything; it is usually that we have let our own desires or emotions cloud the issue. How often have you thought: “I can see the solution to other people’s problems, but I have difficulty knowing what to do with my own”? What’s the difference between other people’s problems and ours? Perspective. Our emotional attachment blurs our vision. There always seems to be a “good reason” why someone’s common sense advice doesn’t apply in my case. “This is different. They don’t really understand my situation.”
So what are some keys to listening to advice and saving ourselves grief?
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Admit that we don’t know as much about life as we think we do. Especially is this true about matters we have not personally faced. When someone else has “been there, done that,” l-i-s-t-e-n to them. Don’t blow them off with a flippant, “That won’t happen to me.” Peter found out the hard way that the Lord knew what He was talking about when He said, “The rooster shall not crow till you have denied Me three times” (John 13:38).
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Understand our own subjectivity. When we want something badly, we can rationalize away all the negatives and paint ourselves such a rosy picture that we can’t hear wise warnings. King Ahab comes to mind. He surrounded himself with all his “yes-men” prophets, one of whom was Zedekiah. He made horns of iron and said, “With these you shall gore the Syrians until they are destroyed” (II Chron. 18:10). But Micaiah, a true prophet of God, told the king: “The Lord has declared disaster against you” (18:22). Do you think King Ahab thought about Zedekiah’s lies and Micaiah’s truth while he lay dying in his chariot?
- Pray, and seek the guidance of God’s word in all we do. If our specific situation is not covered in Scripture, what related principles apply? Does my judgment lead me in a direction toward godliness or away from it? Do I really want to know the wise course of action, or do I only ask the advice of those who I think will agree with me?
Mom was right about a lot of things, things that still come to mind decades after I rejected her advice. And I only hope that I can be patient with others who reject mine, and I ask for understanding from those whose advice I still reject because ... what do they know anyway?
