Articles
Recognizing When We Have Been Defended
It should be a great comfort to us to know that we have people who care enough about us to warn or defend us when we are under attack from hostile forces. But sometimes this isn’t the case. That is, we can sometimes confuse our friends with our enemies. When this happens, we can retaliate against the very ones who are trying to help us.
How does this happen?
Advice. Various maxims warn us not to offer advice unless we are asked. While this sometimes may be wise, it strikes me as yet another manifestation of “non-judgmentalism” that predominates our thinking. We often hesitate to express our concerns for fear of being labeled meddlers or receiving a “mind your own business” retort. But what is wrong with lovingly and gently offering a bit of sound guidance to someone who is perhaps on the verge of a significant mistake?
Jesus repeatedly advised and warned his disciples to beware or change course because of looming danger (Matt. 20:23-28; 26:31-35, 41). Sometimes epistles were written in response to questions directly asked (I Cor. 7:1), but most of the time they offer unsolicited advice and commands of the Lord (I Cor. 7:25-28; 11:23-34; 14:37). A humble heart is thankful for good advice and discards that which is misguided.
Constructive criticism. Several proverbs address the sharper intervention of criticism. For example:
- "Open rebuke is better than love carefully concealed. Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful" (Prov. 27:5-6).
- "He who rebukes a man will find more favor afterward than he who flatters with the tongue" (Prov. 28:23).
Paul’s open rebuke of Peter is a severe form of constructive criticism. That is, Paul was not merely venting his spleen or making himself look better at Peter’s expense. He was truly trying to bring him back to the truth (Gal. 2:11-14). Late in his life, Peter refers to "our beloved brother Paul" (II Pet. 3:15). It sounds like he appreciated the risk Paul took to correct him.
None of us likes to face our mistakes. It is embarrassing to have your faults pointed out and to make amends. But if we set our egos aside, we ought to see the tremendous blessing it is to have family and friends who can advise and counsel us in positive ways.
None of us is perfect; we all need guidance and correction if we are to make the positive adjustments needed to grow in godliness. Let us be thankful for elders, preachers, parents, friends, siblings, bosses and teachers who love us enough to “have our backs” and help us see where we need to improve.
